We recently lost yet another celebrity to suicide. And now there are posts everywhere from all sources saying things like “Reach out” “Support is here” “Don’t suffer in silence” etc.
This all got me thinking a lot about why people do suffer in silence. Why don’t we reach out when we’re struggling? Where is the barrier in being honest about what is really happening emotionally under the surface?
Here’s one of my theories, amongst others. And if you’ve watched what’s been happening for years and years when a celebrity is honest about their struggles, you’ll have some indication. I’m calling it “the damned if you do, damned if you don’t” principle. Let’s use Jessica Simpson and the scrutiny that she’s been under lately as an example. She was scrutinized, judged, and made fun of for her larger weight just a few years ago. Tabloids, media sources, heck even random people were just posting about her body size with statements about how “she let herself go.” Now new pictures are surfacing of her looking underweight and we have a whole new litany of hot takes on it. So now the rhetoric is she’s “gone too far” or “she’s emaciated” or other judgmental language like this. She’s damned if she does, damned if she doesn’t. She’s too big one phase of her life, too small in another time of her life.
Look, I’m not claiming to know anything about what’s going on for Jessica Simpson. And that’s the point — we are surrounded by all these outlets making snap judgments or having a running commentary on someone’s life and pain. We have no idea what’s going on behind the lens of Instagram filter. But I know for damn sure that these click bait headlines filled with judgment and scrutinizing peoples’ body sizes aren’t going to take us in the direction of creating an honest and authentic space for vulnerability.
If we want to create realness, authenticity, and an ability to have openness it starts with shutting down the body shaming comments. It starts with shutting down articles written with a tone of judgment for a celebrity that needed to check into a rehab center or a mental health clinic.
And we need to also model that honesty and acceptance in our own lives, with our friends and with our children. It’s hard to put the words out there — “today is a hard day” or “I’m struggling to feel good about myself today” but I promise you that with the right people that sort of real talk can help to create a shift in the pain.
I recently had a friend do this with me over text, calling it real talk. She was just open and honest about some of her own feelings with things and it in turn paved the way for me to be honest about what I was feeling. We need those spaces in our lives, we need those people in our lives. It opens a world in which we can feel that our own authentic feelings are valid.
Circling back to the recent loss of Stephen “tWitch” Boss. It’s a heartbreaking loss, gut-wrenching. And I wonder if our society would have had honest and real acceptance if he had been open about whatever was emotionally going on? Would we have been able to express support if he had checked into a mental health facility? Or would the tabloids have gone wild with speculation? My hope is for the former but I fear that where we are stuck as a society is in the latter.
We need to do better. We have to better in holding compassion, grace and care for those that are hurting — including ourselves.
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